Doggy Diary - Day 12 & 13

Work days. I hate work days. But at least I get to ride to the beach every night. Fun! Mommy says the beach is a great way to meet cute dogs with guys. Whatever that means.

I'm a total beach dog now. I love surfers. And I love going in the water. I wish mommy would let go of the leash every once in a while.

And I always make sure I drop a load (or two) in the sand.

Doggy Diary - Day 11 & 12

My mommy got back from Turrontoe today. And then we just pretty much chilled. Mommy went to the British Open party but came back safely at noon. Then she just laid on the couch. And I laid on the floor. The next day she did homework all day. But we did go to the doggy park ...well we broke into the doggy park that has been "closed for repair" for three weeks and played with some other dogs. It was fun.

I was not happy when Tom Watson choked on the 18th hole of the Open Championship. So I decided to sleep through the "playoff." Ruff.

Doggy Diary - Day 8, 9 and 10

Today mommy took me to Mama Welch's house. She said she had to go to Turrontoe or something like that. But I got to go play with Buster and go in and out the doggy door as many times as I wanted and I got to take long walks around the block. It was so cool.


This is Buster. He's kind of a re-tard.




I finally got that stupid dog to play. I think.


Whew. Playing is tough work. Nap time.


I love Mama Welch.

And Mama Welch loves me.


Ruff

Doggy Diary - Day 7

I like watching the surfers....

Today was just like any other day. Early morning walk. Pee. Nibble on some kibble and bits. My new mommy almost left out of the cage until I started biting at the carpet, and then for some reason it was, "here's some bacon, in you go." But when my new mommy came home she took me to the beach for a nice long walk. I love the beach. The beach is my friend. I like to poo at the beach. The sand is much nicer...and doesn't tickle your butt like grass does.

Car ride to the beach...

Doggy Diary - Day 6

The work week begins. That means I'm stuck in the damn "mental metal death" cage all day. Hmmmmph. But my new mommy lets me have plenty of snacks....bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon. Where was I? Oh yeah, the day's activities. Well, you have to be an idiot not to know what I was doing all day long. Sleep. Stand. Turn. Sit. Lick bone. Lick wiener. Stand. Sleep. Stand. Turn. Sleep.

However, I got some revenge when we took our evening walk. I pooped. Three times. In three different spots. It's an artform. One that I've mastered. My secret weapon.

I've been told we'll go to the beach tomorrow. But I'll believe it when I see it.

I like to look out of the curtains. And bark.

I thought I saw something. And being the watchful dog that I am I barked and howled until my new mommy took me downstairs to "investigate." Nothing there but the night. Ruff.

Then I had to "lay down" while my new mommy did homework. WTF is homework? I hate it.

I wonder why my new mommy no longer takes pictures of me. Does she not think I'm beautiful?

Ruff.

Doggy Diary - Day 5

Okay. So a day of fun and frivolity must be followed by a day of rest. My new mommy, er, I mean "tsds Dana" and I slept until noon. Literally. And that about sums up the day. I watched as she "cleaned." I don't like the vacuum cleaner. I think it's trying to hurt me. I bite it. Repeatedly. Until my new mommy, er, I mean, Dana yells at me in a loving but stern voice to "get away." The rest of the day goes like so: sleep, watch golf, poop, cage, walk, pee, sleep. Can't wait to see what day 6 holds.

Doggy Diary - Day 4

OMG. Today was so much fun. I got to go to Grandmama Welch's house. She has a huge back yard and a crazy dog to play with. It was soo much fun. I can't wait to go back there. (I wish "tsds Dana" woulda just left me there.)

Chandler came over and we got to chase each other and I got to eat some new dog food and I got to poop three times and I got to take a walk around the block and I got to see the neighbors shoot of fireworks and I got to play all day and I got to tear up a newspaper (well sort of) and I got pet-ted all day long. Whew. I'm exhausted.

Doggy Diary - Day 3

I'd rather not talk about today. That bitch left me in the "mental metal death" cage for 12 hours. Pffft. But I did get a brisk jog around the neighborhood. La-di-freakin'-da. I hate jogging. Whatever. And I'm pissed because I finally had to break down and eat that nasty-ass dog food. I was hungry. Shoot.

Taking a break from running around in the dark. Nice.

See, I'm so quick. So quick.

Ruff.

Doggy Diary - Day 2

Another day, another dollar. Holla. I'm still alive. A random chicken bone won't take me down.

Today began just like yesterday. Pee. Walk. Treats. Eight hours in the "mental metal death" cage. There was talk of going to play with this guy named Buddy down at the beach. But when "the supreme dog sitter Dana" came home it was raining. No beach. No Buddy. Boooo.

But "tsds" Dana did take me for a nice long walk in the rain. And rather than take one large dump, I decided to spread it around to make things interesting. A little here, a little there. Three piles of poo to be exact. I got a big chuckle watching "tsds" Dana as she tried to pick up the poo while holding the leash AND the umbrella at the same time. Three times. Quite a site.

After poop-a-palooza we headed back to the house for an evening of bone chewing and Big Brother 11. It was aiight.

In peaceful protest I decided to pass on dinner. I'm not digging the canine crunchies and will try to talk "tsds" Dana into getting me some new tasty treats. Let's see who breaks first.

I like looking through the curtains.

I wonder how my mom and Caron are doing in the jungle? I got this postcard... and quite frankly, I don't know what to make of it.

Hopefully the rain will hold off tonight; and I'll get to take a long walk once "tsds" gets home from her exhilarating day of live-logging and Rolexing. Whatever that means.

Ruff.

Doggy Diary - Day 1

I was exhausted after tangling with two long-legged beauties for four days. So, I had to tell those "bitches please, raise up off these n-u-ts cuz you gets none of these, at ease" before rolling out to the beach to stay with my new dog sitter, Dana, who goes by the name of "the most supreme dog sitter Dana."

I passed out my first night at "the most supreme dog sitter Dana's" house and don't remember much of anything.

Today began just like most other days in my life. Pee. Chew toy. Eight hours in a 2x3 cell commonly referred to around the way as "mental metal death." Time passes slowly, and it's very hard to scratch in the marks of time served on such tiny little pieces of black metal.

But tonight, tonight was kind of cool. It went a little something like this: Walk. Pee. Car ride to the doggy park.

But the sign at the doggy park said it was closed for maintenance. That's when "the most supreme dog sitter Dana" screamed something I couldn't quite make out. Very shrill. But she had the windows rolled down, so I didn't mind. I'm kind of glad the doggy park was closed. I didn't want to roll with those unruly bums anyway. Instead, I got to take a long walk on the beach.

There wasn't any horse poo to be found anywhere on the beach (dammit), but I was able to choke down a two-day old chicken bone (leftover from this weekend's festivities) before the "most supreme dog sitter Dana" could stop me. It was most righteous.

I was not pleased, however, with the way "the most supreme dog sitter Dana" stopped to ogle the sculpted, young lifeguards who paraded around in really skimpy Speedos as they practiced whatever lifeguards need to practice. So, I decided to lick my wiener.

I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. And maybe I'll even eat something.

Ruff.