I was exhausted after tangling with two long-legged beauties for four days. So, I had to tell those "bitches please, raise up off these n-u-ts cuz you gets none of these, at ease" before rolling out to the beach to stay with my new dog sitter, Dana, who goes by the name of "the most supreme dog sitter Dana."
I passed out my first night at "the most supreme dog sitter Dana's" house and don't remember much of anything.
Today began just like most other days in my life. Pee. Chew toy. Eight hours in a 2x3 cell commonly referred to around the way as "mental metal death." Time passes slowly, and it's very hard to scratch in the marks of time served on such tiny little pieces of black metal.
But tonight, tonight was kind of cool. It went a little something like this: Walk. Pee. Car ride to the doggy park.
But the sign at the doggy park said it was closed for maintenance. That's when "the most supreme dog sitter Dana" screamed something I couldn't quite make out. Very shrill. But she had the windows rolled down, so I didn't mind. I'm kind of glad the doggy park was closed. I didn't want to roll with those unruly bums anyway. Instead, I got to take a long walk on the beach.
There wasn't any horse poo to be found anywhere on the beach (dammit), but I was able to choke down a two-day old chicken bone (leftover from this weekend's festivities) before the "most supreme dog sitter Dana" could stop me. It was most righteous.
I passed out my first night at "the most supreme dog sitter Dana's" house and don't remember much of anything.
Today began just like most other days in my life. Pee. Chew toy. Eight hours in a 2x3 cell commonly referred to around the way as "mental metal death." Time passes slowly, and it's very hard to scratch in the marks of time served on such tiny little pieces of black metal.
But tonight, tonight was kind of cool. It went a little something like this: Walk. Pee. Car ride to the doggy park.
But the sign at the doggy park said it was closed for maintenance. That's when "the most supreme dog sitter Dana" screamed something I couldn't quite make out. Very shrill. But she had the windows rolled down, so I didn't mind. I'm kind of glad the doggy park was closed. I didn't want to roll with those unruly bums anyway. Instead, I got to take a long walk on the beach.
There wasn't any horse poo to be found anywhere on the beach (dammit), but I was able to choke down a two-day old chicken bone (leftover from this weekend's festivities) before the "most supreme dog sitter Dana" could stop me. It was most righteous.
I was not pleased, however, with the way "the most supreme dog sitter Dana" stopped to ogle the sculpted, young lifeguards who paraded around in really skimpy Speedos as they practiced whatever lifeguards need to practice. So, I decided to lick my wiener.
I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. And maybe I'll even eat something.
Ruff.
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